I went a little off-the-rails while working on my ambitious sparkling water review website this week, trying to catch up with the flavors I’ve sampled, championed, condemned—in preparation of contacting Waterloo (sparkling water company) in order to try to convince them to bring back “All Day Rosé”—the best faux alcoholic beverage I’ve yet tried. They discontinued it last summer—I stocked up, but I’m out. I want them to take me seriously, but my water review page reads like it was conceived by a madman (that’s self-flattery—more, like, a goofball). So, what did I do? I tried to write about this crazy SOSA Water Kefir, I found, a bit overdramatically, and also, proposed a list of flavored sparkling waters I’m hoping to find in the future. Since it’s Mother’s Day and I skipped brunch, and I’m freaking out due to the Flower Moon, I thought I’d reprint (in slightly different format) that request, here:
Water Wish List
I have been compiling a list of flavors I have not yet seen (sometimes surprisingly, and sometimes, I get it) but I would like to see in the store soon! This is intended as an inspiration and a service to the sparking water industry, from one of their average, yet discerning, customers. I expect it to be taken seriously (for the most part) and I’m sure we’ll see these soon! I realize some of these flavors (below) exist in combination with other flavors, or in more elaborate versions (such as “Raspberry Açai” and “Spiced Apple”)—but I’m looking for the straight versions. (Note: sorry about the lack of punctuation—all those commas would just hurt my wrist. I hope I haven’t inadvertently created even more weird combinations!)
A&W Draft Root Beer Açai Acorn Aether Anise Apple Bachelor Bagaceira Banana Banana Cream Bay Rum Bile Birthday Cake Blackcurrant Black Walnut Taffy Blue Moon Boudoir Bourbon Boysenberry Breadfruit Bubblegum Buttermilk Butterscotch Campari Campfire Cantaloupe Cap’n Crunch Cat-breath Celery Chamomile Chanel No. 5 Chocolate Choward’s Violet Circus Peanuts Citron Clubman Coca-Cola Coffee Coriander Cream Soda Cucumber Dandelion Date Dean Martin Dr. Pepper Durian Earl Grey Elderberry Ether Fennel Fig Fisherman’s Friend Garlic Happy Days Mint Head Cheese Hires Root Beer Honey Honeydew Huckleberry Iris Irish Whiskey Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 Jicama Kumquat Licorice Lilac Vegetal Lobster Bisque Locker Room Loganberry Loose Canon Loser Lychee Manhattan Marshmallow Martini Mixed Fruit Mr. PiBB Mulberry Muscatel Muskmelon Nasty Neapolitan Nectarine Night Train Ocarina Papaya Pawpaw Peanut Brittle Peanut Butter Peeps Peppermint Plantain Pomelo Prune Pumpkin Pie Pussy Pussywillow Quince Raisin Rambutan Randy Red Velvet Cake Sarsaparilla Sassafras Schnapps Sloe Gin Spearmint Sriracha Star Fruit Sweet Potato TaB Tangelo Thunderbird Wine Toejam Tokay Triple Peach Turmeric Tutti Frutti Ugli Fruit Underwater Vanilla Custard Vernors Ginger Ale Whiskey White Chocolate Wint-O-Green Wood Smoke X-Factor Yapping Dog Yuzu Zab’s Datil Pepper Hot Sauce.
So, while we’re on the subject of flavored sparkling water, here’s one from deep in the archives!
Bubly – Strawberry
I find this one a bit annoying because their marketing is annoying, and I’m not crazy about misspelling a word (bubbly) to name your product. Maybe I’m just biased because it says PepsiCo on the can (“under the authority of”) and that’s a company that owns a million products, and most of them are garbage. This, however, is another simple flavored water so, no sugar, no artificial poison sweetener, etc.—and it does have a really nice strawberry flavor. It tastes like strawberry—and I have a bit of a fondness for strawberry because I have tried to write a story called “Strawberry Ice Cream Soda” for years now—kind of based on a story I read as a kid. I have failed to write that story—but that doesn’t stop me from being obsessed with the idea, and by association, everything strawberry. Even strawberries. It’s not my favorite fruit, but it’s okay. It’s not my favorite ice cream (it’s way down on the list!), and if I was going to get something at a soda fountain, it probably wouldn’t be a strawberry ice cream soda. If I was going to buy a soft drink, it wouldn’t be strawberry soda pop. It’s a great word though, a great name for a person (rather rare), and a great place name (I only know of one, in fiction, offhand). And it’s a unique flavor—and this sparkling water pretty much nails it.
No. 6 – 9.14.22
Thanks for reading! Randy Russell 5.11.25